if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
