i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
