I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
