I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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