I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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