moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
