So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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