Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
