the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
