When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
