i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
