She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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