You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
