I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
