I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
