I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
