The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
