so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
