this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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