I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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