It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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