so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Found your dick twin last night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
