sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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