im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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