I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
