His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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