i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
