i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
