thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
