dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
