The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
