Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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