when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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