I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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