Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
