It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
