Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize