your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
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Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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