he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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