Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
