I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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