she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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