I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
