Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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