...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
