My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
