I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
