can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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