well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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