Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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