i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
