I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
