Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
