I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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