I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
