Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
