Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
