I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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