rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize