i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
