he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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