what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My penis needs a shock collar
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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