bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
