He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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