i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
