I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize