smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
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when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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