i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
