he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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