Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
