Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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