oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
