if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
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walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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