Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
